Tonight was a test of the emergency back-up system. You failed miserably. Had there been an actual emergency the police would have been on your doorstep. When I call your house repeatedly and frantically and leave messages for you to call me NOW, I mean now. I don't mean whenever you goddamned well get around to it. Count your blessings that it turned out to be NOT an actual emergency. This is your final warning.
(yeah yeah, I know he isn't gonna read this, and when I tell him this in person I'll do it in a nicer way. I'm venting, y'all should be used to that.)