my freudian slip is showing

The other day I was giving someone my cell phone number. As I said the numbers, I knew they weren't right, but I couldn't figure out why. I kept repeating the number in my head for an hour or so afterwards trying to see why it was so familiar, yet wasn't right. I finally figured out that I had given them Dear John's old phone number. I haven't thought about him in a long time, deliberately. Wonder what me doing that means. Stupid subconcious.

get stuffed

Happy Turkey Day, y'all.

I've been really bad about updating over here. I've been doing more posting over at my livejournal. I also uploaded a bunch of photos to my flickr.

Grammar Pet Peeve #4

Okay, people. Let's get something straight. It's "gardening SHEARS". As in a gardening tool similar to scissors used to SHEAR things. SHEAR as in to remove by cutting or clipping. IT IS NOT "gardening SHEERS". Unless perchance they are the nylons you wear while gardening, or the curtains you employ when gardening. If you are referring to the implement used to cut grass or hedges it is SHEARS!!!! GET IT RIGHT!

Things that make me go GGRRRRRR

You know something that REALLY chaps my ass? When you're talking to someone, and they don't even have the fucking common courtesy to look at you or at least say hmmm, yeah, or anything to acknowledge that yeah, I hear ya. And then they just walk off. Total stranger.. fine, fuck you, you rude asshole. But your mom? She does that to me ALL the fucking time, and it's really making me bat shit crazy. CrazIER.

So tired. Another washing machine down. Another tire down. I must hard on things or something. Do not buy these or you will regret it. I ate every one of them. Ebay is evil and causes more of my money to go down the drain. On things such as this, this, and this. Ok, now go here.

because i only like my spam fried with mustard

Ok, I didn't want to have to do it, but I am going to have to. Not that I get a lot of comments or anything, yanno, but I've had to enable the thingy where you have to type in a word to prove you're human to make a comment as I am really tired of deleting freakin' spam.

cuz i'm freeeee as a bird now

bwhahahahaha janet ain't got nothin' on this dude

Busy. Tired. Here. Go look at pictures. 

coulda, woulda, shoulda

my head
it knows
the reason they left
it wasn't me
but
my heart
it won't listen.
my head
tells my heart
i am good enough
smart, pretty, funny
enough.
i treated them right.
only thing i did wrong
was expect too much
of them.
men.
i like them big
and bad.
the bigger they are
the harder i fall
and the more i hurt.
masochistic i suppose.
those little guys
they never had a
chance
and the only thing
they did wrong
was expect too much
from me.
i'm sorry for that.

the prodigal returneth

You'd think having to spend $500 to get an internet connection faster than 24.6 that they'd get it hooked up quicker'n two weeks. But, no. So... finally! I'm baaack! I have been busier than a one-armed paper hanger lately trying to get this money pit habitable. Yes, still. Yesterday... the washer caught on fire. That was fun. The floor underneath it and the dryer needs to be replaced so we can finish the tile and put the new washer and dryer in but I haven't had any help lately. Well, I guess that's one way to get it done! That's the last major inside project. Then it's on to finish the major outside projects. New siding (well, I gotta a redneck version of that planned) for one. It would help if it would cool off some and make it easier to work outside. At least it finally quit raining. Here a while back we had a big ole flood. I live across the Brazos River from town. It doesn't flood often, but when it does, watch out. Had to drive the long way to town for several days. I'm glad my ancestors had the forethought to build BY the river, not ON the river. These fools' houses get flooded out when it does come up. We just have to make a longer trip to town. I'd rather drive an extra hour than that. I'm just glad it's not New Orleans. It makes me heartsick what is going on down there. Especially as it's my favorite city. I can't even watch the news or talk about it without getting choked up or wanting to choke someone.
I haven't a clue what my new server email is, I don't use them anyways. Anyone wants to email me it's still ninafayeATgmail.com. Anyone wants to Yahoo! me, it's starrytxnights. Anyone wants to call me, either you have the digits or you can get them. Anyone wants to anything else me... well, we'll discuss.

Yes, I live. I haven't had access to the net for a little over a month now. I got the phone line installed for dial-up, but as the connection would only ever be 28.8 I haven't gone and got an account yet. In a few weeks, I'm going to go get wireless broadband. I would have got it sooner, but it's $400 to get the equipment. Gotta love the country. I do really, but it is harder and more expensive to get "advanced technology". So, it won't be long before I'm bloggin' at ya regular. I have been somewhat keeping up the photo blog thingy over there to the left, but the internet on the cell is spotty at best. It took me a month to get the house liveable. I single-handedly cleaned and painted the walls in 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, living room and kitchen. Ripped up all the carpet and installed floor tile. Installed 3 a/c's, 3 ceiling fans, a light fixture and lord knows what else. It took a lot of work to get the place habitable and there is still lots to do. It has been a little over a month since we moved in and there are still boxes everywhere. So, it will probably take another month to get everything in place. Let's not even talk about the outside. I am not even going to mess with the yard and the surrounding acres (and there are plenty of them) until this winter and next spring. It is too damn hot to do much. Well, I think the ice cream freezer is about done so I'm off! Hope everyone is doing well. Holler.

I don't know why I'm telling you this...

but I've been walking around for gawd knows how long with my shoes on the wrong feet.

yum... crow

So, yeah, once again I'm being reminded to never say never. You'd think I'd have learned by now. What's that song? Some fools never learn... Anyway. I'm moving back to Graham. More on that later.

miz jett's been laid up by a low-flying tractor and is hopped up on pain meds and she's giving stuff away! enter to win!

blah

Bronchitis sucks. It sucks the life right out of me. I have a million things to say, and the energy to say only that.

I have a new toy

If you'll look over there to the left you'll see it. I'll be using my camera phone to update my moblog at least once a day. Who knows what I'll see that will end up there.

Yeah, Jewel sucks but I love the lyrics

I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns like any rose

You could hurt me
with your bare hands
You could hurt me
Using the sharp end of what you say
But I'm lost to you now
And there's no amount of reason
That could save me

So break me
Take me
Just let me feel your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice

Just let me feel your love again

What month is this?

This weather SUCKS! The first of May and I'm having to turn the HEAT on?? Normally by this time of the year we are already having to turn the A/C on. What is up with this crazy weather? Everyone else is all happy about it, they love the cold, blah blah. I say STFU people. I hate cold weather, it makes me hurt. And in case you can't tell that makes me a little bit bitchy. I'm finally over the sinus thing, after it got so bad that my jaws, teeth and the bones in my face were in excruciating pain.
I'm a little ticked off at my computer as well. I sat down in front of it the other morning and opened up Firefox and was like what the hell?!? Somehow it went crazy and changed my homepage and DELETED ALL MY FRIGGING BOOKMARKS! I finally uninstalled it and reinstalled it and found an old copy of the bookmark file. So, that left me with only losing, oh, I don't know... 100 or so of them? grrr If any of y'all know of anything I should be reading, let me know since I'm kind of lost here without my bookmarks.
My brother called today. He's been clearing off the family land. Being a packrat and a hoarder of junk tends to run in the family. My brother, however, didn't get that gene. He said so far he has hauled off 8 old refrigerators and freezers, 2 washers, 3 dryers, a water heater, at least 30 old 50 gallon drums and LORD knows what else from out there. I had forgotten that my grandfather used some of the old freezers for horse troughs and such. heh Repurposing at its best. He also mowed all of the land (I forget how many acres total, but it's a bunch) and said he uncovered trailers more junk when he did. I know it will look great when he's all done, but it's also kind of sad because that stuff has been there for so many years and it always reminds me of my Papaw. Course, I don't need that stuff to remember him. It will be nice to be able to see everything, the old buildings and such, without all the weeds and crap in the way. I don't ever want to go back there and live again, but it's home and it is a beautiful bit of land with a lot of great history. My great grandfather bought it from the Bureau of Indian Affairs many years ago. I can't say as how I like that the Indians lived there and were ran off, but there isn't anything I can do about that now other than honor the fact that they once called it home, too. The next time I go back I have to remember to go down into the back pasture and take some photos of the creek bed running from the river (the Brazos). There are some really cool carving in some of the rocks. I have always wondered who it was that put them there, and why.
Well, I seem to be running off on a tangent and can't think of any way to end it gracefully now, so I'll just leave it there. Adios.

Return of the Killer Hayfever

I just thought I was going to get away without being sick this spring. That's what I get for thinking. I had a big allergy flare-up over a week ago and it is still hanging strong. Headache, chest hurts, coughing, sneezing, eyes burn, I've blown my nose so much it and my top lip are raw. Oohhh, and let's not forget the fever blister. GRRRRR
Anyways, needless to say I haven't accomplished much. Well, other than running over a guy in the Dollar Store parking lot. Ok, not a guy, but a guy in his car. Dumb fucker shouldn't have pulled in behind me. Now I am having to fight with my insurance company and his insurance company. He walked into my insurance agency the day after it happened with an estimate for $800 and said "you can just cut me a check now". They were like.. uhhh, it doesn't exactly work that way, sir. The damn car isn't worth that much and there is no way that a dent the size of my pinky finger is going to cost that much to fix. Not to mention, it was just as much his fault as mine so I shouldn't have to pay. Yeah, let's not talk about that anymore. Hey, in the good news department, I finally got approved for my disability insurance. I can't believe it only took 6 months. I thought I was going to have to get a lawyer and fight them for years on it. Either I'm worse off than I thought healthwise, or I actually got lucky for once. So... yay! Monthly paycheck! and back pay! I cannot wait to get some furniture up in here. I really need to finish painting so it doesn't look all half-assed when I do get some new stuff. Anyone want to help? *pweaaassee with big puppy dog eyes* Yeah, that's what I thought, you assholes.
Speaking of assholes, I have been thinking about Brad (Willa's biological father) a whole lot here lately. Every guy I see looks like him, all that stuff. I don't know why either. I mean, it's not like there is any love involved like with John, who I think about from the time I get up to the time I go to bed about a million times. (obsessive much?) I guess I should get hold of him (Brad, that is) and see if everything is okay. Can't say why I would really care, but I'm just that kind of person. I won't be getting hold of John, as he obviously doesn't want anything to do with me. His loss. Right..soo.. I hear that key lime pie calling my name. Bye!

Edited to add: Yeah, I won't be checking in on Brad. I checked his profile. Fucking radar. I should have known.

Domestic Goddess

Today I painted my kitchen the most luscious shade of aqua. Very retro. Yay for oops! paint from Home Depot!! 5 dollar makeover! I didn't do the 4th wall that ties into the hall as I ran out of paint, but that's cool because I was inspired to paint it a different color and take it down the hall so it all comes together nicely. I am hoping to find a great lime/apple green on the oops rack. If not, hopefully they will have something that will contrast with the aqua. I am going to do all of the trim in orange. BRIGHT orange! The color that was in there was this putrid butterscotch pudding and it sucked up every bit of light and was sooo depressing. It is SO much brighter in there now! Then I'm going to do the bathroom. Currently it is a very sickly shade of greenish-yellowish-somethingish. Doesn't make for good light. I look in the mirror in the bathroom and think "Oh, what is wrong with my skin" and then remember it's the reflection from the paint. I just bought new towels and such in this fabulous shade of lavender so I am hoping to find a shade that goes with that. One of these days I'll get around to the living room. I'm thinking pink, but I'll have to see what kind of furniture I find when I get my "inheritance" money. I will be so glad to finally have a REAL couch! I've had that stupid futon for 4 or so years and when it broke I just had to leave the mattress on the floor. How college. I have been drooling over some red sofas and loveseats, but think I'd get tired of them after a few years, so I'll probably go with something more neutral. Much easier and cheaper to change throw pillows and paint than it is to change the furniture. I don't know that I'll be doing any painting in the bedrooms. I'm really not planning on staying here that long, but I will be here at least 9 more months so I figured as cheap as the paint is I shouldn't have to be depressed by the walls here for the time I am here. I will definitely be buying new beds though. NEW! BEDS!!!! I've never in my life had one of those. It's always been hand-me-down mattresses and frames. Actually, I've never had any new furniture except for the futon from hell and my new dining table (that was a whopping $150). I am also going to be replacing that with a slightly bigger one as this one just seats four and I need one that seats six. I'm thinking that 11 thou is going to go pretty fast. I'm getting my teeth fixed, new glasses and some other stuff as well. May as well get it while the getting is good. I won't be having any more money for a while. I am thankful that I will have this though. Well, I am off to read my verra Scottish novel. Until next time!

guh. *thud*

 

Dear John Poetry II

I close my eyes
your image is burned inside
the feel of your hands
imprinted on my body
your voice
memorized by my ears

I whisper “I love you”
to fly out the window
be picked up on the breeze
and be carried
over the treetops and roofs
and find your ear

Take heed
remember
my heart
still belongs to you
then, now, always
don’t let it waste away

(the first is here)

mmm... supper 

Raising Cain

Raising kids up to be decent people is hard work. Especially when you're doing it on your own. Even harder is a single mom raising a boy up in a house full of females. Oh, sure, he has his "Dad" (and I use the term loosely) on the occasional weekend. I think it's important for kids, but most especially boys, to have a good male role model. I'm not a man, I can't teach him how to be a man. A GOOD man, at that. I can give him the basics, but it's just not the same. I also don't have a good male role model for them. Not one who is around on a regular basis anyway. My Dad and my brothers are all too far away to be of any help. It's sort of down to me against everybody else right now. Me against them, me against the less than stellar school system. Trying to be everything to everybody can wear you down. Things with the boy aren't going so hot right now. He's 10. Age is a huge factor in this. But, so is the kind of people he is subjected to at school. And not having anyone but me to teach him how to act. I've raised them well. They know right from wrong, they have great manners, they're smart. I've done everything I know to do. It just isn't enough anymore. The boy is getting smart with me. He's getting in trouble at school, something he's never done before. His attitude is getting out of hand and everything I've been doing to get it back in hand isn't enough. So... what to do? Put him in counseling? Therapy? I don't know anymore. It's sad that something that could be so easily remedied with the right tools becomes such a battle without them. I'm relatively sure that it will all work out in the end; but, as I am responsible for their present and future in a way, I don't want to screw it up. Anybody has any suggestion, I'm all ears.

Excerpt from a Dear John Letter 3

You know that thing you do, when we're doing that thing we do? The one where I'm looking up at you, you're looking down at me and then you kiss my foot? Yeah. Every time you do that, I fall a little more in love with you. (And get a whole lot more turned on.)

mind spew

I was thinkin about something today that I often dredge up and ... wallow on? I don't know how to explain it. Feeling sorry for myself I guess. I'm 33 years old and I've never been on a proper date. You know the kind. Boy asks girl out to dinner and a movie. Girl accepts. Boy picks girl up from house. They go to a nice restaurant and the theater. If things go well, they have coffee after. If things go really well they agree to do it again. Boy takes girl home. I've really never been on that many dates period. I've been to the movie theater with a guy twice. Gone out to eat with them maybe 10 or so times. It makes me really sad, and kind of mad, this. I haven't had that many real relationships with men. I guess I've been with the ones I have for all the wrong reasons. Not wanting to be alone. And I've been so pathetically grateful that they would have anything to do with me, I guess I've let them treat me badly. Of course, there have been a couple that I've treated badly. Get into a relationship with them and realize it wasn't at all what you thought it would be and not know how to finish it gracefully. It's funny how when someone wants to be with you, it's never who you think is the right someone. And the ones who you want to be with don't think you are the right one. Or something. The relationship I've had going on for the last year makes me really sad. Why do I not give it up? I don't know. It's like finally you find someone who has most of the qualities that you want, need, desire and you just keep on hoping that they will decide that you are that to them. He's the perfect man? No. Would he be perfect for me? I don't know. I'd like to at least find out. I'd like to know what it is like to have what I term a real relationship. Where they really want to be with you, spend time with you. They ask you out on dates, take you to their hangouts with them and introduce you to their friends, hang out and watch movies with you, go to the park or somewhere with you. Just spend time together and see where it goes. I really don't think I'm asking for too much. Just seems to me I'm always asking it from the wrong people. Or is it the right person and the wrong time? Hell, I don't know. I am just rambling here. Last night I went over to Dear John's. It was nice to just sit and talk, he played the guitar and sang some for me, we listened to some music, just hung out. It made me wish that we could do it a lot more often. I don't know how he feels about that. I sometimes I think I want to give him more than he wants. Or he wants that, just not from me. The kids are an issue. But, not much I can do about that. I don't blame someone for not wanting to take us on. In ways. But in ways I do. If someone really wanted to be with me, all of those things wouldn't be an issue. I want someone to want to be with ME. Because they like me, they enjoy being with me and all of the other stuff can work out. I'm tired of being alone. I want to be WITH someone. This is MY man. And he loves me. And he shows it. But, I only want that particular man and I don't know that he wants me anymore. So... what to do? Give it time? Guess that's all I can do. I don't have the answers.

It's my pity party and I'll cry if I want to

Warning: whining and really bad allegory ahead.


I’ve fallen in a hole. It’s not the first time. It won’t be the last. But I’m finding it harder and harder to pick myself up, brush myself off and climb my way out of the hole. Right now, I think I’ll just lay here for a while. Will I get buried under the inevitable stuff that will fall in the hole after me? Maybe. I’m just too tired of it all to care. It would be nice if once, just once, someone would lend a helping hand to get me back up again, rather than pushing me back down in. Hell, just sit in the damned hole beside me. Just be there.
Someone posted a poem that I loved. I said it could have been written for me were I the type to inspire poetry. He replied with she probably felt the same way. I guess sometimes we get so stuck in our own selves that we forget we aren’t the only ones to ever feel that way. I miss the old me sometimes. I’m sick of this bitter, cynical, tired, broken down, lonely, hopeless person I’ve become. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to be with me. But again, just once, I want someone to love me despite all my problems, hang-ups and baggage. Hell, despite all THEIR problems, hang-ups and baggage. Sometimes I think I ask too much or have unrealistic expectations. Or maybe I’m just expecting it from the wrong people. I don’t know. I just know that right now, I’m the wrong person.

MUST.HAVE.THIS. 

Weird Science

We're out of ketchup. I have to have ketchup and mustard to eat my corny dogs. I didn't realize this fact until after I had already cooked them. Alas, I made a happy discovery. Ranch dressing and mustard is really good.

Loose Ends

I thought this was kind of cool.

Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY IN SONG TITLES by that band

artist/band: The Boss

Are you male or female: Give The Girl A Kiss

Describe yourself: Secret Garden

How do some people feel about you: My Best Was Never Good Enough

How do you feel about yourself: Tougher Than The Rest

Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Nothing Man

Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: Cautious Man, Dancing In The Dark, Hungry Heart

Describe where you want to be: Better Days

Describe what you want to be: Happy

Describe how you live: Leap of Faith

Describe how you love: My Love Will Not Let You Down

Share a few words of wisdom: Take 'Em As They Come

Valentine

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or a kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.

Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

-Carol Ann Duffy

Because Eric said so

Three Names You Go By: Cristina, Nina, Nina Faye

Three Screennames You Have: harleydrmz, wednesdayschild1971, torquejunkie4life

Three Things You Like About Yourself: I'm smart, funny and resourseful

Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: my physical limitations, my ass and my hair

Three Parts of Your Heritage: English, Scottish, German

Three Things That Scare You: dying alone, my house burning down, most drivers

Three of Your Everyday Essentials: air, water, food

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: green t-shirt, gray sweats, white socks

Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment): Lucinda Williams, Jack White, Damien Rice

Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present: The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice, Portland Oregon - Loretta Lynn and Jack White, Many Waters - Julie Lee

Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: Johnny Carino's, not spend Valentine's Day alone, jasmine pearl tea

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given): monogamy, trust, passion

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You: ginger hair, blue eyes, great hands

Three Things You Just Can’t Do: the splits, algebra, lick my elbow

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: reading, watching movies, being crafty

Three Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now: hug John, kiss John, talk to John

Three Careers You’re Considering: Master of the Universe, Keeper of the Key, Her Royal Majesty

Three Places You Want to Go on Vacation: Great Britain, New Zealand the Eastern coast

Three Kids’ Names: Girls: Boys: My kids are named, not having anymore, name your own

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: live fast, love hard and leave a beautiful memory

Three People You Want to Take this Quiz: Whatever 3 people who happen to read my blog who want to do it

Shake it like a security blanket

I just saw one of the funniest things ever. Because he linked it so much better, go here to see what I'm talkin bout.

You never know what will be coming down

I have to admit, I love Brit pop. I've loved Duran Duran since the first time I ever heard them way back when. On the heels of hearing about their sad news, former bass guitarist Wes Wehmiller dying at the age of 33, I heard their newest U.S. single released What Happens Tomorrow. I freely admit to being hugely pessimistic, cynical and yes, bitter at times. But today as I was sitting in the parking lot waiting to pick my kids up from school thinking about the $600 worth of bills I have to pay and the $350 I have to pay it with, lamenting the probable loss of what could have been a great relationship and freaking out about life in general that song came on. Thank you, Duran Duran, for reminding me that it'll be alright again.

Say Anything

I saw this at Such a Pretty Face and like her, I liked the idea of getting recommendations. So please recommend to me:

1. A movie
2. A book
3. A musical artist, song or album

AND

Ask me three questions, anything you want to know. I, of course, reserve the right to ignore any questions I don't really want to answer.

AND

Copy and paste this into your blog, if you have one.

Today was fun. I got to sit through a 2 hour divorce and parenting class. And I get to sit through another one next week. Now, I've been divorced for almost 7 years now, I think we've got it figured out by now. But, the State of Texas feels differently and it's mandated that anyone who has any kind of divorce or child custody case that comes through the court system is required to attend them. The case that we have is just a name change. I agree that it's a good idea, but I think they should look at the individual cases and decide then which ones have to go to the classes. I guess it's just easier to make it mandatory for everyone. Oh well, it gets me out of the house for 2 hours! heh
I bought a new dining table and the guy was supposed to deliver it today, but he didn't. I was kind of torqued. It's getting old not having a dining table.
I've been wanting some Chicken Tortilla Soup for a while, but couldn't find a recipe that I haven't already tried that I wanted to try. All of the ones I've tried haven't been what I wanted. My Mom told me about my sister-in-law's version, so I called up and got the recipe from my brother. I didn't like the sound of what all she put in hers. I love the classic version with basically just chicken, broth, tomatoes and seasonings but with the kids I try to add a little more nutrition. My SIL's version had too much stuff in it, so I started with the basic version, added some of hers and added some touches of my own. I have to say it's pretty much perfection. Anything that can be done all in one pot and cover all the food group bases is good with me.

Nina’s Chicken Tortilla Soup

1 really big pot
4 or 5 chicken boobies
2 quarts water
Parsley (I use about 2 tsps. of dried)
1 large onion, diced small
2 or 3 tsps. seasoned salt (I use Tony Chachere’s Original Creole)
2 chicken bouillion cubes

Bring the water and seasonings to a boil, add the chicken, lower heat and simmer 45 minutes. Take the chicken out, let it cool and then shred it. (I use two forks. If you cook it right, it should basically fall apart by itself.) Put the chicken back in the pot.


Now you’re going to need:

2 cans Rotel tomatoes (I use the mild version, if you like it spicier knock yourself out)
1 can whole kernel corn, drained
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
Cilantro (I use dried, about 1 or 2 tsps., depending on how much you like cilantro)
1 big tsp. cumin
1 lime
salt, pepper and garlic to taste

Dump all of that in the pot. Well, you might want to slice the lime in half and squeeze it in, works better that way. Simmer it all for a while to let the flavors receive.

Serve with tortilla chips (crush them up in the bowl) and shredded white cheese. I use Queso Quesadilla and Monterey Jack from Mexico. You can find those in the Mexican section of most grocery stores (well, in Texas you can), or you can just use whatever Jack you can find.

Perfect for this kind of weather! Make it! Enjoy it! (Come eat some of mine, there's plenty!)

Feelin' Petty

She was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldn't help thinking that there was a little more to life
Somewhere else
After all it was a great big world
With lots of places to run to
And if she had to die tryin'
She had one little promise she was gonna keep

Oh yeah, all right
Take it easy baby
Make it last all night
She was an American girl

It was kind of cold that night
She stood alone on the balcony
She could hear the cars roll by
Out on four forty one like waves crashing on the beach
And for one desperate moment there
She crept back in her memory
God, it's so painful when something that's so close
Is still so far out of reach

Oh yeah, all right
Take it easy baby
Make it last all night
She was an American girl


American Girl - Tom Petty

Cabin Fever

I swear if I don't get out of this house for a while I am going to go stark raving mad. Oh wait, too late. I miss doing "adult" things. Going to pubs, going out to eat with friends, concerts. Hell, I miss just having someone to hang out with. Ah well.

R.I.P.

My futon finally bit the dust today. It rests in pieces now, one side of the seat sadly lying on the floor. I guess it's gonna be floor seating around here as I can't afford to buy a new anything right now. Poor futon. Though I despised you, you shall be missed.

Hometown rant #835

Today I spent 5 hours in the ER. No. There wasn't an emergency. Maddy has strep throat again. Second time in as many months. Why were we at the ER for such a minor thing? Well, that would be because of the 3 minor care clinics in this town one (her until today new regular doc) decided that he wasn't going to see any more walk-ins today ten minutes before we got there after we had already been told we could be seen on the phone, one won't take her insurance (this they tell us after we sit there for 35 minutes waiting to check in. yes, there was hissy fit), and one I refuse to go to because it is staffed by incompetent jackasses. It is really beyond ridiculous when those are the lengths you have to go to for medical care. I guess the Clinics of North Texas are making so much money that they can afford to turn away patients and I guess Dr. Olobia's meeting was much more important than seeing patients. So, we had to overburden the ER staff with minor stuff not to mention the SEVEN hours I spent driving all over town and sitting in clinics to get my puking, feverish, sore throated daughter seen. I'm really fed up with the medical "professionals" in this town.

Love Code

Today my son and I were leaving United after grocery shopping, and he found a folded up slip of paper laying in the parking lot. He hollered "It's a love note!" and picked it up. This is what it said -
(Steak on garlic)
Tomatoes
Bread & reg bread
Bacon
Sour cream
hair spray
coffee
coke

The other side said -
instant lunch (soup isle)
Cheddar cheese
fire starter
Nutrigrain
Degree

He said "It's in secret code!" We had fun on the way home trying to decipher it.
What do y'all think it means?

Speaking of love, my favorite quote of the month (year, decade possibly) comes from the ever eloquent red clay -
"it just don't sound the same under obligation.
when you mean it, it'll come spilling out like churchbells.
heartfelt. pure. and they'll be able to hear it crosst town."

Seeking Juan "Valdez"

Last night I dreamed that you told me to come and see you. You were up high on a mountain in like Mexico or somewhere with lots of jungle. You gave me directions, but they weren't very good and I kept getting lost and having to backtrack. I also kept getting caught up in all of these crazy scenes with people and that was holding me up. I drove and I walked and I went in circles and finally, FINALLY, I reached the top of the mountain where you were. Just as I walked up to you, you said "Oh, there you are. I have to go now. Maybe I'll see you later".
Oh, and in this dream I was about 11 years younger and was wearing my hair long and curly like I did back then. No surprise that some of the people who kept holding me up were real blasts from the past.
I don't think it takes an expert to figure that one out.

Updates at The Library Card Chronicles and Flab to Fab (yes, I use the word update loosely).

Yeah Yeah Yeah

No matter what you did to her, she said,
There’s times, she said, she misses you, your face
Will pucker in her dream, and times the bed’s
Too big. Stray hairs will surface in a place
You used to leave your shoes. A certain phrase,
Some old song on the radio, a joke
You had to be there for, she said, some days
It really gets to her; the way you smoked
Or held a cup, or her, and how you woke
Up crying in the night sometimes, the way
She’d stroke and hush you back, and how you broke
Her still. All this she told me yesterday,
Then she rolled over, laughed, began to do
To me what she so rarely did with you.


Roddy Lumsden
Mischief Night: New & Selected Poems
Bloodaxe Books / Dufour Editions

The King is Gone

No, not Elvis. The retired "King of Late Night TV", Johnny Carson died today. Until his retirement, I watched the show nearly every night. I still love to watch the reruns. Rest in peace, Johnny.

second verse, same as the first

I guess by now y'all have figured out that I am all moved and have the 'net up and running again. I haven't really posted anything because all it would be is a bunch of bitching about having to move into a crappy house that I can't afford and the carpet having to be replaced and the horrible plumbing and etc. and so on. I've been here almost 3 weeks and it has been seriously hard going getting everything clean and up to anywhere near my standards. I've probably nitpicked the owner to death, but come on... if you have a house to rent, fix this shit BEFORE you try to rent it. They've had to replace carpet, two ceiling fans, electrical outlets and repaint stuff. The fucking dryer wasn't even vented out! I made them do that and clean up the mess. See... this is why no posting. I don't want to fill it up with ranting. I've almost got everything where I want it and am slowly getting things up on the walls and stuff. I had to rip down all the disgusting mini-blinds that were in here, so I am getting all of those replaced as I can. I'm putting up the matchstick bamboo blinds. The ones in the living room look great. They're called "green tea" and are almost the same shade as the carpet. Yes, pale green carpet. Ack. I didn't like it at first, but now that I have started decorating around it the color really blends. I have a lot of black and browns and darker greens and creams going on. The walls are white and it looks pretty decent so far. I'll have to post pics sometime.
Another reason I haven't posted is I haven't wanted to type. I burned my finger about a week ago and while the burned place is healed up, my finger is about to rot off from infection. Yeah, nice. You don't realize how much you use your pinkie (pinky?) until you can't. Let's see. How's the weather? heh Yeah, I'm out of material. (btw the weather is freaking cold here)

meet me by my locker after study hall

You Are 14 Years Old

14 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Excerpt from a Dear John Letter 2

Thanks for the mindfuck misery memories.