Oh, and...

All this and the bubonic plague, too

Where were we? I forget. Let's start with this week. Short version.
Monday - Apt (short for apartment, by no means the word. pardon my lazy punctuation) Office Girl called and said she had spoken with Apt Office Bitch. Bitch said that I could stay here through the end of January as I had nowhere to go. She would take care of all the details. Whew, big sigh of relief, have another month to find somewhere. Lady called back about a house that I had talked to her about weeks ago, said that the person who was taking it wasn't, do I want to come look. So, just as a back-up plan I went to see and get the details. I've seen much worse, so I told her that if I didn't find an apt somewhere else I'd take it.
Tuesday - Bitch calls and says that she DID NOT say that I could stay through the end of January, that there was a miscommunication, that I DO NOT have a lease, therefore I have 3 days to get out blah blah blah. I said fucking nice miscommunication, what am I supposed to do, blah blah. She says I'll see you in court and hangs up. I throw a hissy fit then call and take the house. Call Bitch and tell her what she can do with herself and her apt complex.
Wednesday - Spend all day getting paperwork taken care of on house, changing over utilities and making arrangements with family for help moving Saturday.
Tomorrow I'm going over to the house to start cleaning ceiling fans, windows, etc. I'm having the carpets (ugh) cleaned Friday afternoon. Hopefully by Sunday I'll have everything moved over. It's going to be a huge mess as it's going to pretty much be "snatch and grab" pack and move. The phone and Dish Network should be hooked up Monday, but the DSL (YAY!! I'm getting DSL!!) won't be hooked up until the 6th, so internet communication will be nil until then. Anyone that needs/wants to get in contact with me has the digits, they aren't changing. If you want the new address, holler. If you want to help me move my crap, get your ass in gear already. Oh, hey, John... the house is only a few blocks from your work. *wink nudge*
Catch up with y'all around the 6th.

O Christmas Tree, much pleasure doth thou bring me

Funny that I'm #2 and #11 in a Yahoo search for "sex under the Christmas tree" and I didn't GET any. Maybe next year. Or I can always drag it out again. (hint hint)

barometer

I need some sleep.
You can’t go on like this.
I try counting sheep,
But there’s one I always miss.

Everyone says, "I’m getting down too low"
Everyone says, "You just gotta let it go"
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
time to put the old horse down
I’m in too deep
and the wheels keep spinning round

Everyone says, "I’m getting down too low"
Everyone says, "You just gotta let it go"
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go


I Need Some Sleep - Eels

Happy Merry! Now kiss my ass!

Hope everyone had a good Christmas!
So, yeah, haven't updated in a while. I've been kind of tied up. (no, not that kind, couldn't get that lucky) Things have once again gone to hell in a handcart around here. You know how I mentioned I have to move? And had somewhere to move to? Turns out they were full of shit. So, when Dec. 31st gets here and I have to be out of this apt I don't know what the hell I am going to do. Homeless shelter maybe? I haven't had any luck finding anything else, don't have anywhere else to do, decided I was going to go to Georgia finally and turns out that isn't going to work either. Anyone got a spare room? I found all this out Monday. Then went to check my mail because my brother had sent a Christmas card a while back and it hadn't arrived yet. It was finally there; but, somewhere between their post office and my locked mailbox the two gift cards that were in it had mysteriously disappeared. Nice. Thanks, fuckers. I don't know what is wrong with some people. Had to get all of that straightened out. I dropped my glasses and broke them completely in half the other day. And some other stuff that I forget. Blocked from memory more than likely. heh Oh. I remember. But, we won't go into that now. Let's just say I have plenty more Dear John excerpts. But, I decided to put all of this stuff on the table until after the holiday. We had a really good one this year as far as gifts and stuff go. It was small again this year. Just me, my mom, my dad, the kids and our friend Kathy. But, it was really nice. The kids got some things they really wanted. Jaron got a guitar and thinks he's a rock star. God, I have to get that child some lessons. I made a pretty good haul myself surprisingly. Didn't get my Christmas wish, but do we ever? Maybe I need some cheese for this whine? Blah. Anyways, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

your own personal jesus

From the most demonic regions of the spiritual plane, I have channeled the disembodied spirit of elvis, bringing to you the wisdom and ski hat of the lost city of Cleveland. To usher in the New Age of sidewalks you must heed my words and swoop fanatically. The time is soon when the space pintos of our galactic cousins will return and our collective souped upness will reach critical mass. The highest frequencies of the universe will spiral through the big toe chakras of the worthy, and our 3rd elbow shall be opened. But first we must look deep inside and accept our inner junk heap. We must feel the inner junk heap, become the inner junk heap, doodle it as though it was a hermaphrodite. We must accept our karmic past, and, as our yogi master, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, always says 'The true form of a clergyman is actually a infinitestimal appendix , but enlightenment is like a molecular caviar on the wind'. For there is no right or wrong, no godfather or anti-godfather, only one great and omnipresent steamship.

Create your own brand of religious text HERE.

[as seen at Mac's]

I really need to figure out how to do the cut thing

A - Act your age: 33
B - Breast size: 38 C
C - Chore you hate: Mopping
D - Dad's name: Johnny
E - Essential makeup item: lipgloss
F - Favorite singer: hard to pick just one. famous? ryan adams, tom waits, lucinda williams. not famous? john d.
G - Gold or silver: silver
H - Hometown: Graham, TX
I - Instruments you play: does the skin flute count? bwhahaha i'm so mature
J - Job title: Domestic Goddess
K - Kids: Jaron, 9. Maddy, 7. Willa, 3.
L - Living arrangements: me 'n the kids in an apt
M - Mom's name: Anne
N - Number of people you've fallen in love with: real love? 1
O - Overnight hospital stays: 10 or so (longest one = 21 days)
P - Phobia: polyphobia
Q - Quote you like: "Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken." -Jack Kerouac
R - Religious affiliation: Agnostic
S - Siblings: 2 (well ok 3 if we're going to be technical)
T - Time you wake up: it varies. i don't like to wake up early, but with kids i'm forced to
U - Underwear of choice: cotton lowrise bikinis
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: i'll eat all of them
W - Worst habit: smoking or drinking
X - X-rays you've had: dang. i dunno. i've had every body part x-rayed at least once, some more
Y - Yummy foods you make: everything i make is yummy
Z - Zodiac Sign: Cancer



1. What did you do in 2004 that you've never done before?
Figured out unconditional love

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions. No sense in setting yourself up for failure.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, several people. My father-in-law, my grandmother, an ex-boyfriend and close friend

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Companionship. Financial security.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched on your memory, and why?
I'm really bad with exact dates, but the day my father-in-law died and the day my grandmother died and the day I heard that Brandon died.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making it through with my sanity fairly intact. (well, there's still time)

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't really see anything as a failure. It's a learning experience, and you can always try again.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing serious this year, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm.. I don't buy a lot other than necessities. I guess the only thing I bought that wasn't a necessity and was a great deal was a new Liz Claiborne sweater (gorgeous, hot pink and black stripes) at the Goodwill for 3.99.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My son's.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My youngest daughter's.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and necessities, as usual.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I don't get that excited about much anymore as I usually end up being disappointed when I do.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Again, hard to pick one. The First Cut is the Deepest - Sheryl Crow (Cat Stevens), Don't Break My Heart Again and Wave on Wave - Pat Green , Something About What Happens When We Talk - Lucinda Williams, Hold On - Tom Waits

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Healthier, somewhat happier

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
heh guess

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
procrastinating

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family and close friends

22. Did you fall in love in 2004? (There was no question 21. Honest.)
Yes

23. How many one-night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I don't watch a lot of TV

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate. It's poisonous and a waste of time and energy.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Time Traveler's Wife

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Michelle Lambert, Iron and Wine

28. What did you want and get?
Hmm.. not much. Through it all I guess.

29. What did you want and not get?
Security.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Calender Girls

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Nothing, sat at home being depressed. I was 33.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Money. Stability.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Vintage thrifty slob

34. What kept you sane?
Oddly enough, my children. They do drive me insane but if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have a reason to go on.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
David Wenham (Faramir in Lord of the Rings, Carl in Van Helsing. Yummy. I have a thing for red hair and he reminds me of John D.)

36. What political issue stirred me the most?
Any of them involving George.

37. Whom did you miss?
My Mamaw, my Papaw, my Aunt Beth

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Kathy

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
Learn to be more tolerant and insightful. Learn how to let go and how to hold on.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain. Bob Dylan - Not Dark Yet

Santa, baby

If anyone is feeling Santa-ish, I would like this sweater for Christmas, please. Think pink! kthx!
Shiny stuff is always welcome, too.
Oh! and these.

Canterbury Tale

The flowers she buys at the grocery
spray from a jam jar, though we
can afford crystal now.
When in April, twenty years ago,
on a campus sidewalk, stopped
by a glance of sunlight on a bell tower,
she exclaimed, "How like this is
to Canterbury" — but pronounced it
canta-bree — I, Georgia cracker, frustrated
Anglo-, Italo-, Francophile,
was stunned, struck down by love, like
Dante by Beatrice, by her whiff
of cucumber sandwiches and tea cakes,
her skin like gold museum glint
on gesso, her legs of pink
Carrara marble, and her Jamesian claim
that American men were inferior
to European. So I scratched
my shaggy skull for foreign words,
took up opera, told her
I wrote poetry.


Turns out, she was from
Mississippi, and, Reader,
I married her — the salt lick
of her, the swish
of ceiling fans, afternoon
pinking the pillars of cloud
over the Gulf, gouache
of gumbo, pentimento
of peppery boiled crabs,
all washed down by
sweet tea in a jam jar.



William Greenway
The Southern Review
Autumn 2004

oops