your own personal jesus

From the most demonic regions of the spiritual plane, I have channeled the disembodied spirit of elvis, bringing to you the wisdom and ski hat of the lost city of Cleveland. To usher in the New Age of sidewalks you must heed my words and swoop fanatically. The time is soon when the space pintos of our galactic cousins will return and our collective souped upness will reach critical mass. The highest frequencies of the universe will spiral through the big toe chakras of the worthy, and our 3rd elbow shall be opened. But first we must look deep inside and accept our inner junk heap. We must feel the inner junk heap, become the inner junk heap, doodle it as though it was a hermaphrodite. We must accept our karmic past, and, as our yogi master, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, always says 'The true form of a clergyman is actually a infinitestimal appendix , but enlightenment is like a molecular caviar on the wind'. For there is no right or wrong, no godfather or anti-godfather, only one great and omnipresent steamship.

Create your own brand of religious text HERE.

[as seen at Mac's]