I received an email today from a lady who had read a comment I had written on another blog. It's kind of cool that you can either help or inspire or reassure people who you have never met and never will meet with just a few words graffitied on the internet. I'm glad she took the time to send me an email. I vaguely remembered the post she was talking about, so I searched until I found it. This is the post on moodymama that she read and my comments are farther down. Take a minute to read it or you won't understand the rest of what I am about to say.
Done?
Ok.
I spent years in hell. YEARS. In HELL. I thought I was crazy. Thought I should be locked up somewhere. And it just got worse and worse and worse. When I was pregnant with Willa and the year after I had her, I was seriously considering Red River. I had been bad in years past. Breaking things, raging and raging. Hurting myself mostly. Physically anyway. Emotionally myself and others. Now, I knew a lot of it was due to my hormones, because the worst of it would hit before my period, it was bad during and some after. It was a vicious cycle. The week before my period I was like a land mine. Set and ready to go off and who knew when or on who it would go off. I was temperamental and irritable and hostile. There were times when I literally saw red. It was like the "dragon" had possessed me and I could feel the rage and hate overtaking me until I wasn't there anymore. Then, when I started my period... I was depressed. Crying constantly, getting my feelings hurt over and over for nothing. Then the week after my period, that was the worst. Suicidal, feelings of worthlessness, why should I live I am a horrible person I wish I would just die please God just take me now and get it over with. I dreamed of dying, killing myself, being killed in some random accident. Fantasized about it. And this went on for years. From the time I was 13 or 14 until I was 31 years old, progressively getting worse and worse. I had times when it wasn't so bad. But that could all change in a moment. It was always there, lurking. Since I've had the hysterectomy I have been a different person. Oh sure, I have my moods. But that's life. Now I have a handle on them and can discern between real emotion and the irrational, out-of-control monster that had overtaken my emotions. Stress is gonna happen. But when it is coming from inside of you... what do you do? Especially when you can't control it. I had taken pills upon pills upon pills to no avail. If it had gone on the way it was headed, who knows where I would be now. And I had pretty much forgotten all of that. Well, not forgotten but pushed to the back of the memory vault. Who wants to remember horrible stuff? So, I am glad that woman read my words and took a moment to write me about them. It was a great reminder. Because yeah... things could be worse.

Friday Five

1. What cologne or perfume do you wear?
The last two perfumes I wore were Wish by Chopard and Sentiment by Escada. I generally don't wear the same perfume for more than one bottle. I either get tired of it or just want a change. Right now I want some Amor Amor by Cacharel or Intense by Hugo Boss. Anyone want to indulge me?

2. What cologne or perfume do you like best on the opposite sex?
Herrera by Carolina Herrera, anything Hugo Boss.

3. What one smell can you not stomach?
My mom's perfume, that Pheremone crap.

4. What smell do you like that others might consider weird?
Gasoline, mechanic shops.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
Probably the same way I spend most weekends, in extreme boredom. Anyone want to unbore me?

New blog

So, I started another blog today. Probably won't be of any interest to y'all because it is just going to be a giant listing of all the books I read, what I think about them and whatnot. But, if anyone is interested it's over here.

Calling All Angels

Santa Maria, Santa Teresa, Santa Anna, Santa Susannah
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copelia, Santa Domenica, Mary Angelica
Frater Achad, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronilla
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir
and all the rest

a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in
somewhere you can hear a mother sing

then it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it's how long? and how far?
and how many times before it's too late?

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we're cryin' and we're hurtin'
and we're not sure why...

and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it's almost...it's almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you'd finally understand what this all means

but if you could...do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'
we're hurtin'
we're lovin'
we're cryin'
we're callin'
'cause we're not sure how this goes

Artist: Jane Siberry with k.d.lang Lyrics

This was the first song they played at my father-in-law's funeral. I hadn't heard it in forever and it was very fitting. The other one they played was Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. He always said that's what he wanted played at his funeral. Little did we know it would be so soon. Rest in peace, Grand-dad.

No witty title

Today has been a sad day. My father-in-law lost his battle with cancer. He fought long and hard, but in the end it wasn't enough. Our only consolation is that he is in a better place now. But, it isn't much when he has left behind so many who loved him at such an early age. It's hard to understand why God does the things he does. That's always been a major problem with me and religion. Why does He take a good person when there are so many bad ones wasting space on this Earth? And it's hard to try to explain why Grand-dad isn't with us anymore to my children. They don't know or care that he is in a better place and not sick and in pain anymore, they just know that they aren't ever going to get to see him or play with him again. They will understand someday, but it doesn't make it any easier NOW. For anyone of us really. His funeral is Tuesday and they want to go. It is going to be a hard day emotionally. But all we can do is get through it and try to understand. Life goes on. It will have a Grand-dad sized hole in it, but it does go on.

Do I look like I need more caffeine??

I don't know what it is about me that makes sweet young boys want to bring me coffee. Maybe they think that is the way to an old woman's heart. More likely into her panties. (Although why they would want into an old woman's panties is beyond me.) I wish that I could take them up on all the coffee offers, without the strings, just for the yummy coffee. Alas, the only sweet young boy that I want to bring me coffee is not speaking to me, so I don't hold out hopes of any more of his lovely, string-free coffee deliveries. I miss them.

When was the last time you...

1. ...went to the doctor?
Sometime in December

2. ...went to the dentist?
Yeesh, November or December of 2002.

3. ...filled your gas tank?
Day before yesterday

4. ...got enough sleep?
A few weeks

5. ...backed up your computer?
That would be never.

Which Happy Bunny am I?

you are the "you're so dumb" happy bunny.
you are brutal in your words and enjoy putting
others down.


which happy bunny are you?
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Un Momento Alla

Que bonito fue, fuimos un par
y llenos de amor, un momento allá

No existía el bien, ni tampoco el mal,
nada más tú y yo, y un momento allá

Días sin fin, noches también,
amor así, nomás uno en la vida
Entregaré todo mi ser
por un momento allá

Te siento temblar, ¿Es porque te vas?
¿O piensas que darte un momento más?

La luz es amor, no se acabará
Longramos brillar un momento allá

Días sin fin, noches también,
amor así, nomás uno en la vida
Entregaré todo mi ser
por un momento allá


(Translation)

I find myself greatly unsettled lately. Have you ever had the feeling that you are forgetting to do something, or missing something, but for the life of you you can't figure out what it is? I feel that way all the time. I know that it is because I am not happy with the way my life it, yet can't seem to figure out what it is I need to do about it. Circumstances prevent me from doing many things. That adds to the stresses I have. I feel like I am in a giant maze and I KNOW that there are goodies stashed all around, but I keep taking the wrong paths to get to them. And when I find a goody, it either isn't what I want or some unseen force comes and takes it away from me. The hardest part is the loneliness. I have a feeling I could get some of the things in my head straight if I wasn't just so damn consumed with being lonely. I've tried to overcome that, but it's powerful. And, I've been alone so long that I think I not only grasp at the least little kindness, but I am very selfish about it as well. Of course, a lot of being alone is my fault. I have let the past cloud my judgement in some issues and old habits are hard to break, especially when you don't realize you are doing it. So, between not finding anyone worthy enough, finding someone worthy and pushing them away, and finding someone worthy and it just isn't meant to be ... well, that leaves me still alone. I often wonder why some things in life are so hard, and if maybe I make them harder than they really are. I don't know anymore. Maybe I will someday.

Yum

Since I had my gallbladder surgery, I've been trying to eat low and no fat foods. They can be a challenge to cook sometimes. Well, they are easy to cook, the challenge is making them palatable. I am getting better. But, sometimes you just gotta eat REAL food. I love to cook, but it's mostly comfort food and old favorites. I've been thinking about King Ranch Chicken for a while now and today I just had to make it. Pretty damn good if I do say so myself. Want some?

Glory Box - Portishead

(Great for getting your schwerve on.)


I'm so tired, of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For I've been a temptress too long
Just. .
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be, a woman
I just wanna be a woman
From this time, unchained
We're all looking at a different picture
Thru this new frame of mind
A thousand flowers could bloom
Move over, and give us some room

So don't you stop, being a man
Just take a little look from our side when you can
Sow a little tenderness
No matter if you cry
Give me a reason to love you
Give me a reason to be ee, a woman
Its all I wanna be is all woman
For this is the beginning of forever and ever
Its time to move over

Yay!

I now have a washer. One that works! For free! I have the best Mommy and Daddy and Clyde in the world, too.

Ex-husband Gripe #8362

Tonight was a test of the emergency back-up system. You failed miserably. Had there been an actual emergency the police would have been on your doorstep. When I call your house repeatedly and frantically and leave messages for you to call me NOW, I mean now. I don't mean whenever you goddamned well get around to it. Count your blessings that it turned out to be NOT an actual emergency. This is your final warning.

(yeah yeah, I know he isn't gonna read this, and when I tell him this in person I'll do it in a nicer way. I'm venting, y'all should be used to that.)

Laundry Gripe #372

What is worse than not having a washing machine? Having puking children and no washing machine.

Mmm... crow

Ok. So, I have always said that if I am wrong I will be the first one to admit it. It happens so rarely that it's not something that I am used to or that comes easy to me. But, here it is. I was wrong. It was wrong of me to stereotype you. It was wrong of me to think that you were like all of the other assholes I have had the misfortune to be friends with. And above all, it was wrong of me to give you attitude. That is something that I need to work on. I will also admit that. I have became far too bitter and cynical and have found it too easy to jump the gun and get my feelings hurt over something that shouldn't be such an issue. I think I have become somewhat self-absorbed and forget to think that there may be things going on in other peoples lives as well. In my head it's alway about rejection. That's what it always has been in the past, and again with the stereotyping. I have learned my lesson. I knew when we entered this relationship that things would be different. That due to circumstances it wouldn't be the usual boy/girl thing. And you aren't the usual boy. I try not to be the usual girl. So, this is the public apology for anything posted here in a snit. I'm sorry and I hope that you can forgive me.

corny stuff

hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

More old drivel

Words
spoken harshly, can cut like a knife, sear like the flame, and crush like an avalanche of stone. The empty ache caused can hurt for an eternity. The bitter pain can be unbearable. The endless lonely days and nights can cause those words to echo in the hollowness of your heart and mind.
Then, someone comes along with a few words of tenderness, hope, support. The hollowness if filled up like sunshine filling a dark cavern. Those words can give you a new reason to fight your battles and go on with life. A few words of inspiration can lift the spirits like a breeze blowing through the leaves.
It is my belief that words - though spoken in haste or carefully thought out - should not be spoken before the consequences are reviewed.
After all, what good are words of support or consolation if they are not really meant.
(circa 1989)

Talk

I remember when I called you,
Just wanting to talk.
You came right over.
Was talking all you wanted
Or was something else on your mind?
Sometime in the next few hours
My need to talk turned
Into a need for something else,
And then there was no need to talk.
But, now I want to talk again
And I don't have the nerve to call you
because I don't know if you'll come this time.
Do you want to talk?
(circa 1987)

Crying in the Night

I lay in bed at night
Crying myself to sleep
Knowing it isn't right.
I never knew my feelings for you
Could ever run so deep.
All those nights we spent together
In each others arms.
I thought that I could trust you,
That you would do me nor harm.
But there were others, too.
And I soon realized
That I could not keep you
All to myself.
But, that doesn't keep me from dreaming,
Crying in the night.
And now in my daily plight
I hope to have you
And have you without a fight.
Soon there will be no pain,
No crying in the night.
(circa 1985 or 6)

God, I was stupid. I don't guess much has changed.

Good advice

Holy Mother of God, this shit is funny. I am still laughing.
Sure, she’s good-lookin’. She’s also crazy. Crazy as a shithouse rat. Run for your life.
This should be my new tagline. hahahaha

You're So Yesterday - Marvelous 3

I guess I met the devil, but I sure didn't know no better
You were kool as hell like e-mail, but still timeless like a letter
As I sit and I stare at the satanic glare, on the glass frame in front of your face
You're alone on my shelf, yelling, "look at yourself"
I feel like Bobby Brady breaking the vase

But now you're all screwed up

(chorus)
You're so yesterday
Miles away
Promised myself on new years day
I'd take a bath today
And wash you away
As all of your little blonde hairs go down the drain

Your sister called me yesterday to tell me I was a loser
At least I haven't lost my mind, and at least I'm not a boozer
As I tried to heed to your wants and your needs
You were solemnly lost in space
So keep reading your books on "how to give dirtly looks"
Everytime I should be put in my place

Now you're all screwed up

(chorus)

I guess I met the devil, but I sure didn't know no better
You were cool as hell like e-mail, but still timeless like a letter

(chorus)

Swing, swing

Days swiftly come and go.
I'm dreaming of her
She's seeing other guys
Emotions they stir
The sun is gone.
The nights are long
And I am left while the tears fall.

Did you think that I would cry,
on the phone?
Do you know what it feels like,
being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, Swing, Swing from the tangles of
My heart is crushed by a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again.

Wish cast into the sky
I'm moving on
Sweet beginnings do arise
She knows I was wrong
The notes are old,
They bend, they fold
and so do I to a new love.

Bury me
(you thought your problems were gone)
Carry me
(away. away, away...)

Friday Five

1. Are you superstitious?
Yes.

2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition?
Stopping and turning around and driving miles out of the way to avoid crossing the black cat's path, locking oneself in the house and not going anywhere at all on Friday the 13th.

3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition?
Ahh.. I like them all.

4. Do you believe in luck? If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual?
Yes, to a certain extent. I don't really believe in the whole number/article/ritual thing though.
It's more being in the right time at the right place and things like that.

5. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
Yes, I do, again to an extent. I believe the pull of the tide and the moon etc do have certain effects on our bodies. Of course, I get looked at like I am a raving maniac when I say that, or told that I am going to hell.

SERENITY NOW!!!!

Today has been another one of those days. We got the dryer to working yesterday. I am quite pleased with it. The washing machine is from hell and I am having Satan's minions come and get it in the morning as I am quite tired of dealing with it. The "repair man" (and I use the term loosely) has been here three different times, and the washer still leaks. So, I will get another one and keep my fingers crossed that it works properly. Actually, I am going to see if I can get my Mamaw's old washing machine from back home here and see if it works and if not what needs to be done to get it that way. It would be cheaper than buying another one and it worked fine when it was put into storage. It's just the logistics of moving it 60someodd miles. Hopefully, worth it in the long run and not moved that far just to go into the junk heap. Think positive! I sometimes have a problem doing that. Inherent pessimism and all that. There is a saying that I try to keep in mind. "I was sad because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet." Generally, there is always someone who is in a worse situation than you are. I learned a long time ago not to ask what else could go wrong. And, it could always be worse. It has been worse. Not THE worst, but I've had some pretty bad times. But, all one can do it live through them and hopefully learn and become stronger for them. Still, they can get you down when you don't ever have a break from them. When one thing after another happens, and many things at once are happening. I'm gonna whine about it again. I need a vacation. I guess we could all use one though. I am in a better mood than I was the other day. Like I said, when I am in a pissy mood, EVERYTHING pisses me off. Even stuff I am generally not going to get pissed about. I have learned to have compassion. To always give the benefit of the doubt. But, I am also an inherent worrier. No matter who it is. If someone doesn't call, I fear the worst. In a barditch somewhere, etc. It's usually not the case, but it has been known to be. So, there's that and the whole being considerate thing. Anyways... I ramble on.
Someone just mentioned V-day. I think I'll kick him.

Lost cause

Well. Okay. I have lost my mind. I was over at dooce just now checking out the goings on and pictures and now I am sitting here crying (it was the bottom picture that did it). I know, I know. I have 3 kids that drive me crazy. And I love each and every one of them. And no, I really don't want more. Well, I do in a way. It saddens me that I don't have that choice any more. That I won't ever be able to go through the whole process the way it should be done, with a loving partner and father there. That I won't ever experience the wonders of a new baby again. That I will miss out on some great guys because they haven't experienced that and can't with me so they will do it with someone else. I debated long and hard about having a hysterectomy. And I know it was the thing to do, but still... I have my moments.

stalking me, stalking you

Have you ever noticed how some songs have very stalker-like leanings?
My playlist at this moment:

Feel - Robbie Williams

What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris

Come To My Window - Melissa Etheridge

Call Me - Blondie

Hold On - Good Charlotte

That's gonna leave a mark

I'm a clumsy bitch. Always have been. Years ago, one of my cousins nicknamed me "Tommy Girl" one day after the 574,899th time I marked myself in some bizarre incident. That day it was opening the door to my Grand Cherokee and proceeding to bloody my nose and black both my eyes in the process. I can't tell you how many times I've been wounded by car doors. Fingers slammed in them, legs slammed in them, hands rolled up in windows, hair rolled up in windows, jabbing myself on the top corner (you know the one, the wicked sharp pointy part), smacking myself in the face/head/body with them, breaking a finger hanging a ring on them. You name it. And that's just car doors, all the other assorted injuries due to other inanimate objects would take many more posts. Today my cousin and I had to go to Walmart and get some washer/dryer crap. I jumped out of the pickup and some of his assorted floorboard ornamentation fell out. I leaned down to pick it up and on rising up tried to remove my nose with my glasses by slamming them into the rearview mirror. Yeah, it left a mark.

And I'm pissed at Cupid too

Does anyone not remember that I think February sucks? There's a reason for that. I hate Valentine's Day. Why? I guess because of the whole symbolism thing and all it represents. Because I'm always left out of that. I have never had a date for Valentine's Day, no romantic gifts, no flowers, no candy, no jack shit. NEVER. Hell, I am 32 years old and I've never had a proper "date" much less a proper Valentine's Day. So, yeah, I'm a little disenchanted with Valentine's day and all of that. If I hear any more about it I may commence another massacre.

Caution: Rant Ahead

I've been on the verge of getting my mad on for a while now. Well, no longer. I am in a hella bad mood. I'm tired. I don't feel the greatest. I'm broke. There are people who suck. I am sexually frustrated. You name it. I'm sick of things not going the way they are supposed to. I am sick of people not doing the things they are supposed to. The next governmental road block I come across, I am probably going to blow up the goddamn building. Or assassinate Gee Dubya. (yeah, now the feebs and all those other governmental pantywaists will probably be watching me, fuck 'em)
After driving all over hell and half of Texas Friday and finally finding a reasonably priced washer and dryer (and of course not at the same place) I couldn't get the sonofabitches home. Well, they are home now. And the fucking washing machine doesn't work. So, now I have to see if the guy who sold it to me is going to stand behind his guarantee that it worked or if I am going to have to go and yank his asshole over his head. Does the dryer work? I don't have a clue. The plug-in is the wrong fucking kind and the maintenance man is out until God knows when.
I had an appointment this morning at yet another agency (yes, governmental agency, the fuckers) and after sitting there waiting for over an hour (with a cranky 2 year old) I was finally able to provide them with all 97 pages of the information they required. So, of course, I am expecting to hear back from them with an approval. Is that what they called me with this afternoon? Fucking hell no. I now have to go BACK and apply with the other stupid fucking State agency that denied me in the first place and then take the denial back to THEM before they will approve me. As if the first denial wasn't enough? No, now I have to repeat the entire fucking process, and WAIT for God only knows how many more months before I can get the help I need to go to the Dr. to find out about the goddamned abdominal mass I have. That's lovely. Thanks, y'all. I hope it's not fucking cancer and y'all are just dicking me around and letting it overtake my body before you help me so then you won't have to pay out as much because I'll be DEAD.
Some days I wonder if that isn't better. (Oh, y'all didn't know I have had my lovely psychotic breaks and flirtations with suicide? yeah) At least that way my kids would have money for the things they need. If their fucking sperm donors would step up and be real men I wouldn't have to worry about that. That's what I get for messing with not-real men. And still I'm too fucking nice and don't nail their asses to the wall. Why is that? Well, I don't know, but I tell you, my ex-husband just used his last get out of shit free card. He has a brandgoddamned new truck and I get shit for child support and he couldn't help me get my washer and dryer home. And we won't even get off on the subject of Brad. Useless fucker. He should have to have a mandatory frontal lobotomy. Yeah, I'm just gonna touch on all the things that piss me off. Why not? It's my fucking rant. (and yeah I'm gonna use that word alot, if you don't like it, don't read it) Fucking men piss me the hell off. They really do. That was one major reason for the whole celibacy thing. But I blew that one all to hell, didn't I? Not that I regret it for one second. I'm just pissed off right now so everything is fair game. Those who know me know that I may rant and rave and throw things but don't take it personally, eh? Well, sometimes it's personal. If I'm spouting off at the mouth it's a pretty fair indication that it's not too personal. It's when I don't talk that you should wonder. I'm kind of passive-aggressive that way. And when I'm mad everything pisses me off. (You know the other night when you asked if I was mad? And I said irritated maybe, but not mad? Well, the next time I'll be mad. It's happened four times. I can excuse a few, but when it becomes a habit it pisses me off. Oh, who am I kidding... I wouldn't be pissed with you. Hurt and irritated maybe. I hate waiting for someone who isn't going to show up. It makes me feel like I don't matter enough to a) show up b) call and say you aren't going to show up. And why am I saying this here? Sorry, got carried away.) Now I've lost track of where I was. Oh yeah. Everything pisses me off. I seriously need a break. I've dealt with this shit for far too long and haven't had any real time for just me, no kids around. And it's beginning to show. But, there's that whole no money, nowhere to go thing. It's a circle jerk. So, while a weekend away would be nice I don't guess I'll be getting a break anytime soon. Maybe some dirty, nasty, hot, sweaty, pisstheneighborsoff, rough sex? Can I get that? Because I'd take that, too.

One step closer...

to not singing the Wash Woman Blues. I bought a washer and dryer today. Now... I just have to figure out how I am going to get them home short of strapping them to my back and carrying them.

Friday Five (yeah it's late, bite me)

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
I guess that depends on your definition of daring. Public nudity, sex in public, meeting people off of the internet, getting stoned in Six Flags countless things.

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
I think I've pretty much done all of it. Tattoos, the above listed stuff, piercing my eyebrow. I can't think of much left that they wouldn't approve of that I haven't tried.

3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
In the past... 10. Now? Probably 2 or 3.

4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
Seeing New Orleans for the first time in the early morning rain. Meeting a truly awesome person.

5. ... and what's the worst?
I can't think of any worsts. I have escaped my adventures unscathed for the most part. I try not to live my life regretting things that I have done.

a frayed knot

You know the saying... when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on? Mine looks suspiciously like a noose.

Super Blow

Well, the Pats pulled it off in the last minute (literally). And they weren't the only one pulling it off. What the HAYULL was up with the Janet and Justin halftime show antics?!? Oh my Gawd! The whole halftime thing has got to where it sucks so bad it's not even worth watching. I guess they think that "surprises" like that will keep everyone interested. Forget about the lip-synching and half-hearted performances. And Beyonce really needs to stick to what she does best. The national anthem it is not. Aerosmith was great, as usual. And Josh Groban... my oh my that boy can SING! His was the best performance bar none. Well, other than Tom Brady's. The commercials weren't all they usually are either. The AOL/Orange County choppers one did crack me up. And the Bud Light dog trick one. And I liked the Pepsi one, but why not just let people download the songs, why must they buy Pepsi to get them? Oh yeah... marketing. Too bad Pepsi sucks. I'll stick with WinMX. But, the main purpose of it all was the game, and it was an excellent one. The Panthers did an awesome job and I thought they might have it there for a minute, but the Pats and their experience persevered.