New meme thing since I am far too lazy for any actual content.
Do It Yourself
Would you be able to do these things yourself or have someone do it for you?
1. Fix a flat tire.
2. Fix a tear or make alterations to clothing.
3. Unclog a severely plugged up sink or toilet.
4. Change the oil in your car.
5. Put together an unassembled toy or piece of furniture out of the box.
Yes to all of the above. And then some. My family has made sure to teach me and my brothers along the way to be completely self-sufficient. And I can do anything they can do (and I can do it better nah na nanny boo boo). Well, some of it. heh But, yes, there really isn't much that I can't do for myself except for some of the highly technical/brute strength stuff. I haven't had anyone around to take care of that kind of stuff for the most part so it is nice to be able to rely on myself. It is/would be nice to have someone around to take care of the things I can't. Fortunately, there are people I can call on for the stuff I can't take care of, but it is a rare occasion that I have to. I really feel sorry for these people who aren't able to take care of the day to day stuff. And women who act as if they aren't capable of doing such things annoy me to no end. Yeah, it would be nice to have someone to take care of everything for us, but it isn't realistic for some of us. A good relationship, in my opinion, blends each persons talents and they contribute what they are skilled at, helping each other and maybe learning something along the way.
Monday, April 26, 2004
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Wait watchers
So, I have been really bad about updating lately. There's just been other things I'd prefer to be doing for a change, rather than lack of anything to say. I have plenty to say, but most of it I am hoarding, and am going to selfishly keep it all to myself so that I may take it out in private and hold it in my hand and admire it as a child might a secret treasure.
But, I do have a niggling little problem. And since I am unable to hold myself accountable, I am going to call upon you, dear readers and friends, to do that for me. Accountability sucks at times, no? Especially when you have an extreme lack of self-control and an overwhelming junk food habit. Yes, that is what this is all about. I still have 20 pounds to go. No, 45 wasn't enough! 20 more, I say! At least. I would like to be able to wear a swimsuit this summer and not look as if I were a sausage stuffed into its casing. So, help a sister out here. I am going to be posting my weight here now, and then I will follow up once a week. Feel free to cast aspersions and throw tomatoes if the numbers have not decreased. (rotten tomatoes only please, lest I eat them). Today's grand total is... are you ready for this? Ok. Here goes. This is harder than I thought it would be. Right. I weigh... and keep in mind that I usually weigh in the morning so that it is less and it is now 2:30 and I have had food and all that and oh okay I'll quit dithering now. I weigh 173??? Sheee-it. A few days ago it was only 163. Maybe we should try that again in the morning. Anyways. That's what the scale says as of 2:33 pm on April 20, 2004. That's worse than I thought because that in essence means I need to get back down to 163 and then lose 20 pounds. So... 30 it is. Ugh.
But, I do have a niggling little problem. And since I am unable to hold myself accountable, I am going to call upon you, dear readers and friends, to do that for me. Accountability sucks at times, no? Especially when you have an extreme lack of self-control and an overwhelming junk food habit. Yes, that is what this is all about. I still have 20 pounds to go. No, 45 wasn't enough! 20 more, I say! At least. I would like to be able to wear a swimsuit this summer and not look as if I were a sausage stuffed into its casing. So, help a sister out here. I am going to be posting my weight here now, and then I will follow up once a week. Feel free to cast aspersions and throw tomatoes if the numbers have not decreased. (rotten tomatoes only please, lest I eat them). Today's grand total is... are you ready for this? Ok. Here goes. This is harder than I thought it would be. Right. I weigh... and keep in mind that I usually weigh in the morning so that it is less and it is now 2:30 and I have had food and all that and oh okay I'll quit dithering now. I weigh 173??? Sheee-it. A few days ago it was only 163. Maybe we should try that again in the morning. Anyways. That's what the scale says as of 2:33 pm on April 20, 2004. That's worse than I thought because that in essence means I need to get back down to 163 and then lose 20 pounds. So... 30 it is. Ugh.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Hidy hidy hidy hi, hidy hidy hidy ho
Today was really craptacular
I got out of bed just before breakfast because the smell of cooking bacon woke me up.
I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.
I'm so happy. I just found out that I have been accepted into Harvard. And Yale. I don't know which to choose... oh, why is life so hard sometimes?
Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.
I want to tell the world to get fucked.
I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.
I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with some naked photos of myself. (Not safe for work - teehee).
Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Powered by Rum and Monkey
I got out of bed just before breakfast because the smell of cooking bacon woke me up.
I feel sad, because Sarah and Britney are complete bitches. They told everyone I have an STD, just because I slept with both of their boyfriends on Saturday night.
I'm so happy. I just found out that I have been accepted into Harvard. And Yale. I don't know which to choose... oh, why is life so hard sometimes?
Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.
I want to tell the world to get fucked.
I am updating this journal for the first time in ages, because I've been in prison.
Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! Here's ten thousand photographs of my cat.
I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.
You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.
That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with some naked photos of myself. (Not safe for work - teehee).
Created with the Gregor's Semi-Automatic LiveJournal Updater™. Update your journal today!
Powered by Rum and Monkey
Friday, April 09, 2004
Happy Good Friday!
The Friday Five isn't relevant today, but I saw this meme at jewdez and The Go Fish and liked it better.
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"Worth it, though!" She stroked my face like she was petting a kitten. "It's a baby's bottom, is your face."
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
The entertainment center
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
A PBS documentary about a fish
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The TV, my kids playing outside, windchimes
When did you last step outside?
About 30 minutes ago
Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My email
What are you wearing?
Shortie pajamas with bugs on them
Did you dream last night?
Not that I remember
When did you last laugh?
Last night
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Paint
Seen anything weird lately?
Not weird enough for me to remember offhand
What do you think of this quiz?
Kind of random, random is good
What is the last movie you saw?
The Ring
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A car
Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I have psychic powers.
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Every person would have a good home, a decent car and no worries about food or bills or lack of necessities. And every person in the world would be provided healthcare.
Do you like to dance?
Yep
George Bush is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
I don't think he is either.
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
If it had been a girl, it would have been Sophia something.
Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Don't have to imagine. His name is Jaron.
Would you ever consider living abroad?
I consider it all the time, but it is more of a dream at the moment.
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"Worth it, though!" She stroked my face like she was petting a kitten. "It's a baby's bottom, is your face."
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
The entertainment center
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
A PBS documentary about a fish
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The TV, my kids playing outside, windchimes
When did you last step outside?
About 30 minutes ago
Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My email
What are you wearing?
Shortie pajamas with bugs on them
Did you dream last night?
Not that I remember
When did you last laugh?
Last night
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Paint
Seen anything weird lately?
Not weird enough for me to remember offhand
What do you think of this quiz?
Kind of random, random is good
What is the last movie you saw?
The Ring
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A car
Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I have psychic powers.
If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Every person would have a good home, a decent car and no worries about food or bills or lack of necessities. And every person in the world would be provided healthcare.
Do you like to dance?
Yep
George Bush is he a power-crazy nut case or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?
I don't think he is either.
Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
If it had been a girl, it would have been Sophia something.
Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Don't have to imagine. His name is Jaron.
Would you ever consider living abroad?
I consider it all the time, but it is more of a dream at the moment.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Sweet Fancy Moses
I love Clem Snide's new song!!! Wow. I am hooked. I already loved them, but this song rocks my socks off. Scroll down to where it says Listen to All Green or whatever it says. Or just click here. These guys make my ears so happy!
Saturday, March 27, 2004
mOnkey see, monkey do
Well, I am completely and totally unoriginal and still have nothing of interest to say so I will post this amusing little 9 layer thingy for non-consumption.
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Cristina
-- Birth date: July 14, 1971
-- Birthplace: Graham, Texas
-- Current Location: Wichita Falls, Texas
-- Eye Color: blue-grey
-- Hair Color: dark brown
-- Height: 5'7"
-- Righty or Lefty: righty tighty
-- Zodiac Sign: Cancer, can't you tell... since I'm so crabby?
LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: Scots, German, Irish, English, some Native American and who knows what else is in the woodpile.
-- The shoes you wore today: Happy Bunny flip-flops
-- Your weakness: Threesomes with Ben & Jerry, books, and shiny magazines.
-- Your fears: Senility (dementia, Alzheimer's), horrible disfiguring accident, knowing I am dying, being alone for the rest of my life.
-- Your perfect pizza: Ahh Pizza Roma shrimp, mushroom and sun-dried tomato with white sauce.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: To just keep on keepin' on
LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: a'ight, ahhh, and ahahahahahaha
-- Your first waking thoughts: Fucking alarm clock. Yeah, you too, you bastard phone.
-- Your best physical feature: I'm told my eyes and my ass. I dunno.
-- Your most missed memory: I don't miss my memories, I still have them all. Well, the ones I want to remember.
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Pepper
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King if I really had to choose.
-- Single or group dates: Either one, but I'd prefer single.
-- Adidas or Nike: New Balance
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Depends on what it is.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee or frappucchino
LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: Only when I'm on fire.
-- Cuss: Never. What are you, fucking nuts?
-- Sing: Badly.
-- Take a shower everyday: Generally. Sometimes twice a day. I rarely skip a day.
-- Do you think you've been in love: I wanna know what love is. I've been in versions of love.
-- Want to go to college: Not especially.
-- Liked high school: Not in the least. I hated school from about 4th grade on.
-- Want to get married: Yes.
-- Believe in yourself: No, I'm like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
-- Get motion sickness: Usually only in the back seat. Sometimes in the front, depending on who is driving.
-- Think you're attractive: I'd do me.
-- Think you're a health freak: Only in the sense that my health is freakish.
-- Get along with your parent(s): Yeah, I do now.
-- Like thunderstorms: That's a resounding YES!
-- Play an instrument: Only if the skin flute counts.
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Nope.
-- Smoked: Yep.
-- Done a drug: Prescription ones.
-- Made Out: Yes.
-- Gone on a date: Nope.
-- Gone to the mall?: Nope.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Nope (Not that they come in boxes. Unless you're talking the ones at the grocery store before they unpack and shelve them. Good God, no in that case.)
-- Eaten sushi: I wish!
-- Been on stage: No.
-- Been dumped: Not in the general sense of dumped, but yeah, I think so
-- Gone skating: Hell no, i don't want to break a hip!
-- Made homemade cookies: I'm not Betty Crocker.
-- Dyed your hair: I'm a recovering dye-aholic.
-- Stolen Anything: Not that I am aware of.
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yeah, several.
-- If so, was it mixed company: Yep.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Dude, where's my car?!?
-- Been caught "doing something": hehehe many times
-- Been called a tease: Once years and years ago but I wasn't.
-- Gotten beaten up: Sort of.
-- Shoplifted: Yeah, back in my way younger days.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: No, I never fit in anyway.
LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: uhm.. 40? I'll just have to give up and become a crazy old cat lady if I'm not by then.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 3. Jaron, Maddy, Willa.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Vegas, baby!
-- How do you want to die: In my sleep like my Grandpa. Not screaming like the passengers in his car. (heh NOT REALLY!)
-- Where you want to go to college: I don't.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: I don't want to grow up.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Great Britian, New Zealand.
LAYER NINE:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: So many I lost the ability to count.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: I'd like to think there's a few, but I'm not a very trusting person.
-- Number of CDs that I own: Haven't a clue. Not many.
-- Number of piercings: 7. 3 in one ear, 4 in the other. Used to have my eyebrow pierced.
-- Number of tattoos: Two.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: I dunno, a few. More if you count the police blotter.
-- Number of scars on my body: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13...hell.. too many to sit here and count. I'll run out of fingers and toes.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't live my life with regrets. I'd be mired in a quicksand of remorse.
LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Cristina
-- Birth date: July 14, 1971
-- Birthplace: Graham, Texas
-- Current Location: Wichita Falls, Texas
-- Eye Color: blue-grey
-- Hair Color: dark brown
-- Height: 5'7"
-- Righty or Lefty: righty tighty
-- Zodiac Sign: Cancer, can't you tell... since I'm so crabby?
LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: Scots, German, Irish, English, some Native American and who knows what else is in the woodpile.
-- The shoes you wore today: Happy Bunny flip-flops
-- Your weakness: Threesomes with Ben & Jerry, books, and shiny magazines.
-- Your fears: Senility (dementia, Alzheimer's), horrible disfiguring accident, knowing I am dying, being alone for the rest of my life.
-- Your perfect pizza: Ahh Pizza Roma shrimp, mushroom and sun-dried tomato with white sauce.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: To just keep on keepin' on
LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: a'ight, ahhh, and ahahahahahaha
-- Your first waking thoughts: Fucking alarm clock. Yeah, you too, you bastard phone.
-- Your best physical feature: I'm told my eyes and my ass. I dunno.
-- Your most missed memory: I don't miss my memories, I still have them all. Well, the ones I want to remember.
LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Pepper
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King if I really had to choose.
-- Single or group dates: Either one, but I'd prefer single.
-- Adidas or Nike: New Balance
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Depends on what it is.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee or frappucchino
LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: Only when I'm on fire.
-- Cuss: Never. What are you, fucking nuts?
-- Sing: Badly.
-- Take a shower everyday: Generally. Sometimes twice a day. I rarely skip a day.
-- Do you think you've been in love: I wanna know what love is. I've been in versions of love.
-- Want to go to college: Not especially.
-- Liked high school: Not in the least. I hated school from about 4th grade on.
-- Want to get married: Yes.
-- Believe in yourself: No, I'm like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
-- Get motion sickness: Usually only in the back seat. Sometimes in the front, depending on who is driving.
-- Think you're attractive: I'd do me.
-- Think you're a health freak: Only in the sense that my health is freakish.
-- Get along with your parent(s): Yeah, I do now.
-- Like thunderstorms: That's a resounding YES!
-- Play an instrument: Only if the skin flute counts.
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Nope.
-- Smoked: Yep.
-- Done a drug: Prescription ones.
-- Made Out: Yes.
-- Gone on a date: Nope.
-- Gone to the mall?: Nope.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Nope (Not that they come in boxes. Unless you're talking the ones at the grocery store before they unpack and shelve them. Good God, no in that case.)
-- Eaten sushi: I wish!
-- Been on stage: No.
-- Been dumped: Not in the general sense of dumped, but yeah, I think so
-- Gone skating: Hell no, i don't want to break a hip!
-- Made homemade cookies: I'm not Betty Crocker.
-- Dyed your hair: I'm a recovering dye-aholic.
-- Stolen Anything: Not that I am aware of.
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yeah, several.
-- If so, was it mixed company: Yep.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Dude, where's my car?!?
-- Been caught "doing something": hehehe many times
-- Been called a tease: Once years and years ago but I wasn't.
-- Gotten beaten up: Sort of.
-- Shoplifted: Yeah, back in my way younger days.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: No, I never fit in anyway.
LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: uhm.. 40? I'll just have to give up and become a crazy old cat lady if I'm not by then.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 3. Jaron, Maddy, Willa.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Vegas, baby!
-- How do you want to die: In my sleep like my Grandpa. Not screaming like the passengers in his car. (heh NOT REALLY!)
-- Where you want to go to college: I don't.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: I don't want to grow up.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Great Britian, New Zealand.
LAYER NINE:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: So many I lost the ability to count.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: I'd like to think there's a few, but I'm not a very trusting person.
-- Number of CDs that I own: Haven't a clue. Not many.
-- Number of piercings: 7. 3 in one ear, 4 in the other. Used to have my eyebrow pierced.
-- Number of tattoos: Two.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: I dunno, a few. More if you count the police blotter.
-- Number of scars on my body: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13...hell.. too many to sit here and count. I'll run out of fingers and toes.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't live my life with regrets. I'd be mired in a quicksand of remorse.
Monday, March 22, 2004
Bad blogger! Bad!
I know, I know. I've been very neglectful here. But in my defense I was out of town for almost a week with no internet access. Otherwise, I just haven't had much to say. Well, I take that back. I've had plenty to say but y'all really don't want to hear me bitch and moan and whine, now do ya? Didn't think so. It's pretty much a broken record anyways. Kids driving me crazy, need a vacation (from them), preferably one involving a lot of sex (or just any sex anytime at all), my car sucks ass and is fallin' apart on me, I am broke already, etc, etc, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. So, unless any of y'all can do anything about any of that... well, don't be bitchin' cuz I'm not postin'.
Friday, March 19, 2004
The Friday Five
(Yeah, yeah, I backdated it. Shuddup.)
If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Hmm... if I were doing the cooking? Homestyle definitely. Lots of soups and sandwiches and chili and stuff. I actually want a lunch counter/coffee bar/bookstore. And I had a great idea over the weekend. Why not have a laundromat with it all, too? Anyone want to venture into business with me? I think it would really work.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Books, definitely books. And maybe mixed media. And coffee and stuff. See above.
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Chick Lit probably.
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?
Oral Gratification
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Eek! Y'all definitely don't want me singing. Much less recording my singing. But if I could sing I'd want to be able to sing bluesy, torch music. Something sexy and soulful. Like Portishead maybe.
If you...
1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Hmm... if I were doing the cooking? Homestyle definitely. Lots of soups and sandwiches and chili and stuff. I actually want a lunch counter/coffee bar/bookstore. And I had a great idea over the weekend. Why not have a laundromat with it all, too? Anyone want to venture into business with me? I think it would really work.
2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Books, definitely books. And maybe mixed media. And coffee and stuff. See above.
3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Chick Lit probably.
4. ...ran a school, what would you teach?
Oral Gratification
5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Eek! Y'all definitely don't want me singing. Much less recording my singing. But if I could sing I'd want to be able to sing bluesy, torch music. Something sexy and soulful. Like Portishead maybe.
Friday, March 12, 2004
Elvis Costello - She
She may be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
Maybe my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day
She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a Heaven or a Hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
A smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell....
She, who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She maybe the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows in the past
That I remember 'till the day I die
She maybe the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I care for through the rough and ready years
Me, I'll take the laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She....She
Oh, she....
The trace of pleasure or regret
Maybe my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day
She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a Heaven or a Hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
A smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell....
She, who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She maybe the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows in the past
That I remember 'till the day I die
She maybe the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I care for through the rough and ready years
Me, I'll take the laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She....She
Oh, she....
Friday Five
1. What was the last song you heard?
Still Frame by Trapt
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
The Missing and Pieces of April
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
Weell, I went grocery shopping a few hours ago so a bunch of things were purchased there. Went and bought the kids some dress-up type rocks star clothes at the resale shops before that. And bought some gas before that.
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Hmmm.... win the lotto. Ha. I SHOULD clean house and clean off my dresser in my bedroom and clean the kids toy boxes out. But as far as NEED to? Nothing I can think of other than get laid. (Oh, oops, did I say that out loud?)
5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Matt, my mom, my kids
Still Frame by Trapt
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
The Missing and Pieces of April
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
Weell, I went grocery shopping a few hours ago so a bunch of things were purchased there. Went and bought the kids some dress-up type rocks star clothes at the resale shops before that. And bought some gas before that.
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Hmmm.... win the lotto. Ha. I SHOULD clean house and clean off my dresser in my bedroom and clean the kids toy boxes out. But as far as NEED to? Nothing I can think of other than get laid. (Oh, oops, did I say that out loud?)
5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Matt, my mom, my kids
Friday, March 05, 2004
Friday Five
What was...
1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
Nell Wheat
2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
Hey, Hey, Hey... It's Fat Albert! And it wasn't a cartoon but I LOVED Captain Kangaroo.
3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
I had two. They were sisters. Amy and Karen
4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
Lucky Charms! Still is. They're magically delicious.
5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
Watch "after school programs" and later on the Dukes of Hazzard or play outside
1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
Nell Wheat
2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
Hey, Hey, Hey... It's Fat Albert! And it wasn't a cartoon but I LOVED Captain Kangaroo.
3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
I had two. They were sisters. Amy and Karen
4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
Lucky Charms! Still is. They're magically delicious.
5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
Watch "after school programs" and later on the Dukes of Hazzard or play outside
Thursday, March 04, 2004
She's Always a Woman - Billy Joel
She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
But she can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
She can wound with her eyes
And she can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
But she can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
And she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
Hoot.. Hoot..
Why is it that some of us are wired to be night people? And no matter how hard we try we can't reset our internal clock to daylight hours, no matter how necessary it is? As far back as I can remember, and that's pretty far, I've always been a night owl. As a little kid, I would have to go to bed early for school and whatnot and I can remember laying there sleepless for HOURS. And of course, come morning I wouldn't want to get up. Some mornings I would go into the bathroom and lock the door as if I were getting ready for school and I would lay towels on the floor and go back to sleep for as long as I could get away with. And in the summer and on weekends, we didn't have to go to bed (or if we were made to I never went to sleep) so I was always up. Over the years I have tried and tried to do the early to bed, early to rise thing. And I just can't get it to work for me. What makes me mad is people who think that you are lazy or crazy or whatever for being that way. To this day, my dad infuriates me because he just doesn't understand that not all people are like him. Anyways, here it is almost 6 am and I haven't been to bed yet. The last couple of weeks the insomnia thing has been really bad. It doesn't help that I hate my bed being empty all the time. How stupid is that? That and when I do lay down a million and one things go through my head and I can't get any peace. Maybe I need more coffee.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
I feel like I should post something, but the only words that want to come out are not good ones. I haven't been in the mood to talk lately. Haven't been in the mood to do anything really. I am feeling trapped and mentally overburdened and all I want to do is either crawl into a hole or rant and rave and kick things. It's not really that I don't want to talk, I just don't want to try to have inane conversations. Someone asks me what's up or how I am doing and I don't want to say I'm fine and that nothing is up. I want to say that I am slowly losing my mind and that everything is fucked up and that I hate my life. But, who wants to hear that. What does one say in reply to that? I don't want your fucking platitudes. I don't want "I feel ya" or "I understand" or "I know how you feel". Because you know what? You don't. (don't take the you personally, I am speaking generally here but really, you don't) You have no idea the fucked up extent of my existence. You have no idea of the feelings that go on inside of me. You have no idea what it is like to live my fucked up life. Sure, you have stress too. Sure, you get in bad moods too. Sure, you have shitty things happen to you. But you don't know how I feel and if you don't know what it is like to be me. That may sound selfish, but there it is. I don't let the real stuff out, mostly because people I don't want people to know. I don't want pity, I don't want people thinking "man, she really is messed up". It's true though. I am. But, I have learned that people don't want to hear it. And if you do tell them... well, they never look at you the same again. But, neither can I keep it all inside anymore. It eats at me. But, no one wants to hear it. I've been through this cycle before. I know it will change, and things will be better. It's hard to see the end of it though when you are so wrapped up in loneliness and despair and anger and sadness that you just don't want to go on anymore. Most days I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. It's not that I want to die. It's just that I don't want to live this life anymore and I don't see a way out of it right now. I've tried, and I've tried and well... I'm tired of trying. That too will change, but until it does this is how I feel. I've said it a million times, I need a break. But, I don't seem to be going to get one. I know I need to change my attitude, but that is easier said than done. There are so many levels on which I am unhappy. And discouraged. I don't see them changing. I don't see Mr. Right walking into my life. I don't see the perfect job opening up. I don't see winning the lottery. I know these things are possible. But the way things have gone for me my entire life... I don't see them happening. Yet, I am so damned lonely and miserable and hopeful and I want someone to hold me and say everything is going to be okay. And mean it because they know the whole story and they care. And well... I don't know why I bother. I should be used to it by now. I rent movies and I don't even watch them because I want someone to watch them with. I wish for friends, but I haven't the slightest idea of how to go about finding them. That and over the years I've learned that people suck and it's just not worth trying to be friends with them because you always end up alone in the end. I don't know. I hate feeling this way. I hate wanting what I can't have. And most of all I hate not knowing why the fuck I can't have it. Am I so repulsive that people don't want to be with me? What am I doing wrong? I have yet to figure out why I can't keep a friend or a lover. I know that most of the time it's because I ditch them because they are assholes. And yes, I am an asshole sometimes too, but we all have our boundaries. I don't cheat, I don't lie, I don't do bad things. That's why I quit people. Why do people quit me? Maybe I expect too much. All I know is I just want a chance. That's all. A chance.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
I received an email today from a lady who had read a comment I had written on another blog. It's kind of cool that you can either help or inspire or reassure people who you have never met and never will meet with just a few words graffitied on the internet. I'm glad she took the time to send me an email. I vaguely remembered the post she was talking about, so I searched until I found it. This is the post on moodymama that she read and my comments are farther down. Take a minute to read it or you won't understand the rest of what I am about to say.
Done?
Ok.
I spent years in hell. YEARS. In HELL. I thought I was crazy. Thought I should be locked up somewhere. And it just got worse and worse and worse. When I was pregnant with Willa and the year after I had her, I was seriously considering Red River. I had been bad in years past. Breaking things, raging and raging. Hurting myself mostly. Physically anyway. Emotionally myself and others. Now, I knew a lot of it was due to my hormones, because the worst of it would hit before my period, it was bad during and some after. It was a vicious cycle. The week before my period I was like a land mine. Set and ready to go off and who knew when or on who it would go off. I was temperamental and irritable and hostile. There were times when I literally saw red. It was like the "dragon" had possessed me and I could feel the rage and hate overtaking me until I wasn't there anymore. Then, when I started my period... I was depressed. Crying constantly, getting my feelings hurt over and over for nothing. Then the week after my period, that was the worst. Suicidal, feelings of worthlessness, why should I live I am a horrible person I wish I would just die please God just take me now and get it over with. I dreamed of dying, killing myself, being killed in some random accident. Fantasized about it. And this went on for years. From the time I was 13 or 14 until I was 31 years old, progressively getting worse and worse. I had times when it wasn't so bad. But that could all change in a moment. It was always there, lurking. Since I've had the hysterectomy I have been a different person. Oh sure, I have my moods. But that's life. Now I have a handle on them and can discern between real emotion and the irrational, out-of-control monster that had overtaken my emotions. Stress is gonna happen. But when it is coming from inside of you... what do you do? Especially when you can't control it. I had taken pills upon pills upon pills to no avail. If it had gone on the way it was headed, who knows where I would be now. And I had pretty much forgotten all of that. Well, not forgotten but pushed to the back of the memory vault. Who wants to remember horrible stuff? So, I am glad that woman read my words and took a moment to write me about them. It was a great reminder. Because yeah... things could be worse.
Done?
Ok.
I spent years in hell. YEARS. In HELL. I thought I was crazy. Thought I should be locked up somewhere. And it just got worse and worse and worse. When I was pregnant with Willa and the year after I had her, I was seriously considering Red River. I had been bad in years past. Breaking things, raging and raging. Hurting myself mostly. Physically anyway. Emotionally myself and others. Now, I knew a lot of it was due to my hormones, because the worst of it would hit before my period, it was bad during and some after. It was a vicious cycle. The week before my period I was like a land mine. Set and ready to go off and who knew when or on who it would go off. I was temperamental and irritable and hostile. There were times when I literally saw red. It was like the "dragon" had possessed me and I could feel the rage and hate overtaking me until I wasn't there anymore. Then, when I started my period... I was depressed. Crying constantly, getting my feelings hurt over and over for nothing. Then the week after my period, that was the worst. Suicidal, feelings of worthlessness, why should I live I am a horrible person I wish I would just die please God just take me now and get it over with. I dreamed of dying, killing myself, being killed in some random accident. Fantasized about it. And this went on for years. From the time I was 13 or 14 until I was 31 years old, progressively getting worse and worse. I had times when it wasn't so bad. But that could all change in a moment. It was always there, lurking. Since I've had the hysterectomy I have been a different person. Oh sure, I have my moods. But that's life. Now I have a handle on them and can discern between real emotion and the irrational, out-of-control monster that had overtaken my emotions. Stress is gonna happen. But when it is coming from inside of you... what do you do? Especially when you can't control it. I had taken pills upon pills upon pills to no avail. If it had gone on the way it was headed, who knows where I would be now. And I had pretty much forgotten all of that. Well, not forgotten but pushed to the back of the memory vault. Who wants to remember horrible stuff? So, I am glad that woman read my words and took a moment to write me about them. It was a great reminder. Because yeah... things could be worse.
Friday, February 27, 2004
Friday Five
1. What cologne or perfume do you wear?
The last two perfumes I wore were Wish by Chopard and Sentiment by Escada. I generally don't wear the same perfume for more than one bottle. I either get tired of it or just want a change. Right now I want some Amor Amor by Cacharel or Intense by Hugo Boss. Anyone want to indulge me?
2. What cologne or perfume do you like best on the opposite sex?
Herrera by Carolina Herrera, anything Hugo Boss.
3. What one smell can you not stomach?
My mom's perfume, that Pheremone crap.
4. What smell do you like that others might consider weird?
Gasoline, mechanic shops.
5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
Probably the same way I spend most weekends, in extreme boredom. Anyone want to unbore me?
The last two perfumes I wore were Wish by Chopard and Sentiment by Escada. I generally don't wear the same perfume for more than one bottle. I either get tired of it or just want a change. Right now I want some Amor Amor by Cacharel or Intense by Hugo Boss. Anyone want to indulge me?
2. What cologne or perfume do you like best on the opposite sex?
Herrera by Carolina Herrera, anything Hugo Boss.
3. What one smell can you not stomach?
My mom's perfume, that Pheremone crap.
4. What smell do you like that others might consider weird?
Gasoline, mechanic shops.
5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
Probably the same way I spend most weekends, in extreme boredom. Anyone want to unbore me?
Thursday, February 26, 2004
New blog
So, I started another blog today. Probably won't be of any interest to y'all because it is just going to be a giant listing of all the books I read, what I think about them and whatnot. But, if anyone is interested it's over here.
Calling All Angels
Santa Maria, Santa Teresa, Santa Anna, Santa Susannah
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copelia, Santa Domenica, Mary Angelica
Frater Achad, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronilla
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir
and all the rest
a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in
somewhere you can hear a mother sing
then it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it's how long? and how far?
and how many times before it's too late?
calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we're cryin' and we're hurtin'
and we're not sure why...
and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it's almost...it's almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you'd finally understand what this all means
but if you could...do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving
calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'
we're hurtin'
we're lovin'
we're cryin'
we're callin'
'cause we're not sure how this goes
Artist: Jane Siberry with k.d.lang Lyrics
This was the first song they played at my father-in-law's funeral. I hadn't heard it in forever and it was very fitting. The other one they played was Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. He always said that's what he wanted played at his funeral. Little did we know it would be so soon. Rest in peace, Grand-dad.
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copelia, Santa Domenica, Mary Angelica
Frater Achad, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronilla
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir
and all the rest
a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in
somewhere you can hear a mother sing
then it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it's how long? and how far?
and how many times before it's too late?
calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we're cryin' and we're hurtin'
and we're not sure why...
and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it's almost...it's almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you'd finally understand what this all means
but if you could...do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving
calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'
we're hurtin'
we're lovin'
we're cryin'
we're callin'
'cause we're not sure how this goes
Artist: Jane Siberry with k.d.lang Lyrics
This was the first song they played at my father-in-law's funeral. I hadn't heard it in forever and it was very fitting. The other one they played was Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. He always said that's what he wanted played at his funeral. Little did we know it would be so soon. Rest in peace, Grand-dad.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
No witty title
Today has been a sad day. My father-in-law lost his battle with cancer. He fought long and hard, but in the end it wasn't enough. Our only consolation is that he is in a better place now. But, it isn't much when he has left behind so many who loved him at such an early age. It's hard to understand why God does the things he does. That's always been a major problem with me and religion. Why does He take a good person when there are so many bad ones wasting space on this Earth? And it's hard to try to explain why Grand-dad isn't with us anymore to my children. They don't know or care that he is in a better place and not sick and in pain anymore, they just know that they aren't ever going to get to see him or play with him again. They will understand someday, but it doesn't make it any easier NOW. For anyone of us really. His funeral is Tuesday and they want to go. It is going to be a hard day emotionally. But all we can do is get through it and try to understand. Life goes on. It will have a Grand-dad sized hole in it, but it does go on.
Friday, February 20, 2004
Do I look like I need more caffeine??
I don't know what it is about me that makes sweet young boys want to bring me coffee. Maybe they think that is the way to an old woman's heart. More likely into her panties. (Although why they would want into an old woman's panties is beyond me.) I wish that I could take them up on all the coffee offers, without the strings, just for the yummy coffee. Alas, the only sweet young boy that I want to bring me coffee is not speaking to me, so I don't hold out hopes of any more of his lovely, string-free coffee deliveries. I miss them.
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